I'm on the path of Glory! ;)

It has been a while since  I last wrote. Ah well..a lot of things have happened between the time when I last wrote and now. 

This is my first time experiencing Summer in Amerika (yes, the 'k' is on purpose). I can't say the same about the weather though since it even snowed on May 2nd. Nevertheless, this semester has proven to be very thought-provoking and productive than I ever expected. Nine credits is no joke during summer semester. All three classes are my core Bio classes that I initially thought would screw up my summer. I was so wrong.

Have you ever underestimated yourself to a point where complacency becomes the strong foundation of your mediocre achievements? You think you can do it and as the task at hand draws closer in time, the passion or interest to do well, slowly and silently starts fading away. Your motivation that you can once do it now turns into "Well, at least I tried." But you know you were not even close to trying enough. 

Then the moment of revelation kicks in. When you realize you might as well, learn something for the pure reason of increasing your knowledge than to score in exams. I have always knew this fact but always thought it was my way of inviting complacency to dinner. Education, I believe, is destroyed when exams come into play. Too bold of a statement, eh? Fuck it. 

I, for one, do not see the point in scoring well for exams when you don't even know what you are learning or more importantly, what are you learning for! If you want create an education system that molds the best brains and make them compete, might as well tie leaches on them and put them in a horse race. Education is about going beyond what you already know. When you are fed with information, you tend to store it in your brain for the most opportune moment----THE EXAM! Ape kes lah wei...seriously!?

You might think this post is a post-exam kolaveri that I am going through after getting bad grades for a recent exam. You might think I am being ridiculous and I know I am. But guess what.. I dont think I am going to care about what you think. lol..i wish i could sound more polite with that last sentence but that is just how it is lah wei! haha...

Truth is, I just scored an awesome score for an exam that I barely studied for. (There she goes boasting). It was freaking Microbiology and not studying is a definite No-No for many of my peers but that is what happened to me. This class is one of my most interesting classes ever. Only because it made me learn so many new things. Let me clarify that it did not require much attention on my part...BUT just curiosity. Curiosity was the main reason I listened in class. I wanted to know why what happened when and where. Pure curiosity is what drove me in that class. Trust me when I say I am no budak pandai (intelligent person) and my mother can confirm that with an official seal by adding that I am only very good in talking..ah well..at least I did inherit something from her.. hehe.

I believe when it comes to an exam, studying a day before to memorize facts and numbers can only take you so far but listening in class and asking the right questions(or even stupid ones) to quench your curiosity will and can take you further in your learning journey....or exams (if that is what you still want to root for). You have the right to what you learn. You decide what you want to clarify. You decide if you want to continue reading that same bloody page or turn to the next.

Be true to yourself. Make sure you know what you're reading. Your brain deserves that respect from you for making you avoid life-threatening instances like when your hand voluntarily withdraws when in contact with something hot or sharp. By skimming and flipping through pictures, you are doing no justice to yourself. Coming back to the issue of exams, I, of course, do get the fact that we need qualified professionals with good grades to take over an organization but the sad fact is that the purpose to educate has fused with the purpose of gaining money. Ah well...then again..money is everything.

Gotcha! lol... I speak for myself here when I say money is everything but is also NOT everything. In this rat race, everybody is losing their individuality...what values to them most..things like that.It is again depressing to see what students nowadays value are a certificate full of As, a trophy, a new gadget and the like. What happened to the idea of coming to school as a clean slate to fulfill your purpose in life? When I say purpose, don't think I'm referring to the norm of grades, job, family... but more of the purpose of finding and creating yourself to fulfill God's mission that has been bestowed on you. 

Enough with the sneering. I know I am no sage but I believe everyone on this Earth is here for a reason. Until you finish that mission, you will still be alive. This might hurt many parents who want to see their child do big things and get big bucks but they should know that they might be depriving a a child of their life's purpose. Here, I would like to thank my parents for giving me the freedom (with conditions) and criticisms to let me find my own path of glory..hahah...sounds a bit too far-fetched eh...but I cannot think of a better word than glory folks! hehe.. 

True enough, I might be on the wrong path...who knows..but at least I am making full use of this journey via education. Learning about simple things like manners, courtesy, the precision needed to use a Pipette, what does Clostridium tetani do, how to beat my mum at her chicken curry and the the like. All this simple things not only create moments in our lives  but memories that we can come back to. 10 years from now, I don't want to say anything that indicates regret because the moment has already past and there's no point whining about it,sistahh!

Look at me now. What did I start talking about and where am I now? lol..digression..my biggest asset. Ah yes, education. This is just some of the things that I am going to always rant about because I doubt change is around the corner for ideas like this. I am just going to continue doing what I do best..learning while trying to inspire others to follow their paths of glory..Hey you may never know, we might cross each others' paths at some point in time...!

So until that happens, I'll see ya around then!!

...................................................................................................................

what you say 

what you know

did it all make you grow

wait a while and think it slow

change is sure going to follow.

Nalla irre!

ps: thanks to  Jasina, Hema & Divwya for having faith in my abilities. <3

Superhuman

Sometimes I wonder what keeps me going. Really. I have been pushing myself to use more than 10 % of my brain since this American experience dawned on me. It has been really rewarding to see and learn my potentials and realize that I am no superhuman. BUT since two years ago, I have realized that becoming superhuman takes practice.

I am a superhuman now.

But then again, my definition of superhuman might differ or vary from yours. To me, being superhuman is about accepting your strengths and rising potentials while acknowledging the many flaws that one has with the passion of improving it to a better state. To do this, I am not afraid of falling down because I know I have the courage and patience to pick myself up. being superhuman to me is also about living for yourself by living for others. I want to be there for everyone I love when they need me or need help in general or just BE THERE. My two hugest assets in life are my familiy and friends. We cannot chose family but I turn out to have an awesome one. Friends..well...they rock my world. Well, that is my definition of being superhuman.

You see, many people find different things that matters to them. One man's meat is another man's poison, they say. Very true. Until you find what truly makes you happy, you will never be satisfied with life. But to find what makes you happy is the essence of the superhuman journey. I am still discovering the many things in life that make me happy and this journey is never over until my last breath leaves my body. That is the best part I feel. There is so much more waiting for me out there; good and bad; they both make me. If they break me, I will find new wings to get up and fly again. It is easier said than done, I know. But try practicing what you preach, and it can be easy one way or the other.

Always keep your options open. When you close your mind to one path, how would you ever notice the crack on the side door that holds a whole new world? If you only notice, all the answers are actually out there, you just have to remember to open your heart and mind along with your eyes. At this very moment, I am supposed to be studying for an exam and starting a paper that is due tomorrow but all this revelation of the superhuman journey that i am experiencing is forcing me to make this moment count by documenting my emotions on mr.spidey's "saliva". Exams, papers, they come and go but moments they never come back.

so..

MAKE EVERY MOMENT COUNT.


Procrastination is my middle name
that i seldom realize
but the clock is now ticking
the remaining time will surely suffice

Yellow

I am back home. Malaysia has kept me well-rounded and fulfilled with all its treasures and unpleasantness. I feel very belonged to something here. With 31 August approaching very progressively, I cannot help but embrace this feeling.

Meeting old and new family members was the best part so far. Old relatives seemed to have never changed and new relatives are more approachable now than I would ever imagine. The old ones are bubbly, load, concern and loving. They made me feel like I never actually left. The new relatives, are labeled as such because I actually knew they existed but nothing sparked between us to fuel the flames of these relationships. Anyways..to keep up with the parallelism of the earlier matter, I shall say that the new relatives made me feel like I truly have something to come back home to! Maybe it is the fact that I have just turned 21 in May and people are starting to take me seriously.

Nevertheless, life has got to go on being Thanges. The series of political events happening in Malaysia this summer has certainly got most eyes penned on my Facebook profile. Like I have always told many people, expression is what I believe to be the right of every human being. I sing. I dance. I act. I write. I post statements on my page almost everyday. I enjoy it. Expression is the best fire that I have in me. I love to savour every moment that I have, not caring for the people who think I shouldn't do this and that or I should have said this and that. A simple presentation during my Contemporary Issues Class during my Intec years was why I have so much enthusiasm when it comes to freedom of speech. Of course, first, one must be responsible for what he or she wants or has to say. If you happened to be wrong or lack evidence, don't just wither away with your opinions. When this happened to me, I would apologize for the error in information and will ask for more time allowance to research a matter to make myself indestructible. There is nothing wrong with asking questions..even stupid ones; that is, to make my head cleared of any haze of doubts.

It is never wrong to have a bizarre opinion. You just gotta have a reason to back it up.
A: Why do you like yellow?
B: Because I like yellow lah!
I have seen too many of this!

But thank the Lord because I have also found a huge group like this.
A: Why do you like yellow?
B: It is the color of friendship/ I love anything bright and joyful/ It makes me smile.
No matter the reason. At least, they have a reasonable one.


Yellow yellow dirty fellow,
Yellow yellow down and mellow,
Yellow yellow who's that fellow,
Yellow yellow, checkout the new hello.

Peace!

THICK-SKINNED!

Citations, citations and more citations!

Surya, Vijay, Mr.D, Vatsal, Ajith!

Guitar is fixed but is not that tuned.

Life still goes on!

(This is the most absurd 'poem' I have ever written...hahah)

With finals, portfolios, assignments, ISC matters, my apartment stuffs and the usual ranting, I have had one person disturb my head REAL BAD this time around. This bastard's facebook name is Rocked DAfella-look him up and you will see what I mean.

A few weeks ago, a friend tagged me in a note in conjunction to Earth's day. In that note, he told me to spam the Prime Minister's FB wall with a message to get rid of the nuclear power plan that has got many environmental NGOs back home, uneasy. So I copied and pasted that message on his wall and some of my friends supported me, which is normal. The shock I received was a message from the bloke I've mentioned above. He asked me my intentions and "why was I supporting BN and those malay idiots?" So I replied him. I questioned his judgement of his name-calling and gave him a long essay on being rational and to grow up. I wish I did not deleted this 3-day long thread of messages but I did. I WAS SO ANGRY AT THE WAY HE CONDEMNED MY PATRIOTIC VIEWS AND THE WAY THE GOVERNMENT IS RUN.

He was being very emotional and rude just like all of you people who agree to his views! He was complaining on the inequality and finally played the race card on me by asking me to change my name to Tun Fatimah because of my views. He called me a bitch, crackhead, dumbass, cheapest low life, bastardised idiot and many more that I wish I could remember. He said that I was supporting them just because I am sponsored by them. Damn! How I wished now that I have not deleted that message. But I had to because I was already facing some problems with my life here on that day and his replies were not very motivating as you can already sense. Anyways, that day..............THAT DAY..........I CREATED SOMETHING VERY POWERFUL!

I developed thick skin.

I wish I could say it in a exaggerated manner to emphasize its meaning but that IS IT!

He made me realize that there are more of his kind of people in my home right now. "Instead of ranting over inequalities and how unfair the government is, why don't you try and make a difference? Complaining will take you backwards! " I told him that but as I expected, Einstein continued his signature, useless, magic trick of calling me a bitch. What pissed me off wasn't the name-calling and the uncivilized manner of speech, but when he told me that "the country is ruined because of people like you." I lashed back at him for saying that and his magic trick continued with many 'enticingly' described variations of his signature words. I even said "nalla irre" to him when I begun to noticed or assume how sad of a life he has being a hater.

It made me think that he was right in a way. People like me who still are in high spirits of the nation's development are too few to beat the majority of the people who are like him.

I have a plan.

I did not contest for the Presidency of ISC if I wasn't in it for a motive that I believed in. Whatever decisions that I have made in my life in the past 4 years was all geared toward a blurred big picture that I knew I had in my mind since I had the ability to think.

I am preparing myself for the blurred picture that is getting clearer day by day. I have a lot to learn and a hell lot more to realize, thanks to Rocked DAfella. To those out there or the members from the "People like me" party, don't just sit there and rant all day at the imperfections of our Malaysian lives anymore but please START working on it to make a difference. Don't waste time complaining about things that we already know to be true....you are not going anywhere! Instead of crying over spilled milk, get up and go get yourself another cup but this time, make sure its not a glass cup!

I have only spoken to a few people about this incident because I didn't have enough time to spread it like butter. For all the "people like me" out there, be aware that HATERS ARE ALWAYS AROUND TO MAKE OUR DAYS MORE INTERESTING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Notes about haters:

1. Haters only hate the things that they can't get and the people they can't be.
2. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more.
   
3. If you don't like me remember it's mind over matter; I don't mind and you don't matter.
   
4. Don't hate what you can't imitate.
5. Don't hate me because I wasn't who you thought I was or who you wanted me to be. From start to finish you never knew the real me
6. Hating is the sincerest form of flattery.
7. Keep looking my way. My head is held high. You wanna bring me down? I dare you to try.
   

PEACE!

good luck for finals, folks!

Bitches in my beer!

Weekdays are flying so fast for me but my weekends are miserably moving very slow. I am not as excited as I was a few months ago about the thought of home in these last few weeks of Spring semester. Maybe I will be again when home is a few days away when May approaches. Listening to Kyle pluck his guitar while I type here with a wall dividing us, I can sense my brain enjoying his tune even though it is slowly fading away. This weekend I learned that silence is a language. The silence that comes by when nobody talks. I hear a lot when I do not talk. Kyle's tune. The plane from Spokane to Seattle. The sound of my two-year old laptop. And nothing.

I speak a lot.

To appreciate this silence, something must have changed me. I cannot see if this change is good or bad but Kyle's sudden switch to a repetitive rhythm just switched my gears in this piece that I write now. Just the sound of my laptop and nothing. I must be really bored (so now I think). I gave a speech last Wednesday to my class, persuading them to speak up. I wanted that topic just because I had done it before but little did I realize that I had to do it better this time because I was in America. I spoke of how Americans are very lucky to have the freedom of speech that we didn't. I compared their 1st Amendment of their Constitution to that of our Article 10 of the Malaysian Constitution. Despite the lack of preparation, I came through the speech with Dr. Miller's comments of "fascinating topic and a very good passion".

Funny how education works. In Malaysia, I had to study what the government had set out for all of us. Here, besides the subjects my major requires, I am finally getting the TRUE sense of learning by choosing what I want to learn. This way, I would want to do well because it is my decision. Public speaking was one of those subjects. If kids were allowed to choose what they wanted to specifically learn besides a 'small' amount of compulsory subjects, they would! And I bet they would excel in it. Problem, sometimes, arises when parents or family members are clouded by the stigma that their kids must end up as doctors, lawyers, engineers and the like. Some want me to fulfill their unfinished dreams. So does that make it OK to make my children to finish MY dreams during their lifetime? Then, when does one LIVE for themselves and the dreams that they have always wanted to achieve?

Dream big.

That is my right. If someone comes along and tells me "No, you can't do that", I would certainly get angry. Who are you to tell me what to do and what not to do? I would consider in a polite manner if you have a good ethos with the elements of the world BUT you don't! You are not a good person when you can lie to people who care about you. You make me sneer with disgust whenever you justify your STUPID acts of 'norm'.

Now, that was me being angry at someone. Someone once told me that hating people wastes one's time. As always, I am going to laugh it off because you are not worth my attention and also because I am a Malaysian that has been brought up by warriors and leaders. After writing all of this, I realized that I have drawn a smile on my face. All these are 'jujubi' matters that I have never cared about when I was in Malaysia for two decades. Now that I am alone here in my own world in America, the silence that I was talking about earlier, sometimes starts to take its stroll in my life by focusing matters that didn't seem to matter last time.

I am still Thanges.

But as I assimilate my beliefs in this 8 months of American experience, the actual reason of my independent choice of coming to WSU is getting clearer and more emphasized; that is to discover my potentials and to stand on my own feet when it comes to making decisions. Being out of the bubble, has made me see many broken ladders in Malaysia's development. The board game, 'Snakes and Ladders' gave me the impression that one could either go up with a ladder or go down with a snake. However, in these 'broken ladders', the snakes now are gliding their way up to their privileges by forming a 'bridge' between two broken ladders to allow the players to sail through but little do these players know and realize that the actual function of these snakes is to bring them down!

So, to all the players out there, get your dices rolling and knock these snakes out of the game!

p.s: Finals is in two weeks and the question is not whether I have prepared for finals or not BUT rather, IS FINALS PREPARED FOR ME? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

NALLA IRRE!

It is raining on the inside!!!!!!

It has been a while since I have said anything here and it has made me realize how so many things have changed!

1. I have been elected the President of the International Student Council of Washington State University. It was an awe-inspiring and embarrasing moment that I cried while giving my speech and moved some of the council members that I was supposed to influence. Well, I also realized that I have a great team!

2. Spring break:

• I missed my flight to LA. I cried and wanted to blame Him but did not because something told me that I shouldn't as everything happens for a reason. And it did! I paid an extra $150 to take the next flight to LA thanks to an angel named, Ivi, who was sent down by Him to help me! (I do not wish to bore this area by spilling the details of the events that made me miss my flight) Anyways, that incident, confirmed the theory : EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
• I fell down while riding a bike after many years, in the streets of LA and now have a blue-black knee! hahah!
• I recorded two songs with Carishma and it was an awesome experience!!! one song is up on youtube and has been receiving good responses while the other video is up for editing and will be posted soon, I HOPE!
• Spending my days in Kj's, Renu's and Carishma's home made me feel good after 3 months of living with me,myself and I.
• I am back now in Pullman and it just snowed for 15minutes before the Sun came out immediately to melt it ALL off.

I am very tired!

Myself aside, I have been hoping matters in Japan have been changing for the betterment of their citizens! Not only does this natural disasters crush the economic development of their nation but also their self esteem! After all their hard work of building a life, it is sad to see them see their life's go away with Earth's unpredictable shakes of warning! It makes me wonder what wrong have the innocent Japanese done to deserve such an aftermath. Then I wonder what has God have in store for us, the living ones, who are left here to deal with more events like this.

And guess what? I HAVE STOPPED WONDERING! I would rather continue living like every other day than to just waste my self-esteem on thinking of dooms's day! There are many things life has got to offer. I do not see the need of wondering now! Everything happens for a reason. I have been surviving quite well with all these things. I am just sad that I have not made any effort to fix my guitar. I will do it soon and bring it with me when I go back home this summer. I will be dancing again for the International Education Week opening but this time for 15minutes. Like all the other things I do, I have no idea how I am going to succeed at this! But I couldn't care less because through out my 8 months here, I am only satisfied if I have a good climb. Whether the destination holds good or bad things for me, I don't mind at all. After all, what is life, if you expect all good things!

I was speaking to my father yesterday and we were doing the usual arguing before he shocked me with his wave of electrons! I was telling him about the way I look at matters these days. I said I will always smile at anything that happens, instilling a positive vibe in my head. Then the tsunami came! He said, "You can't always be positive, Thanges. You will get hurt and fall. Don't give me this Malaysia Boleh thing" Wow! I was stunned and told him, "WHATTTTTTTTT???? STOP IT! STOP IT WITH YOUR NEGATIVITY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" And as we all would predict, he let out his usual chuckle of defeat ( I hope). I told him if I fall, I will get up and move on lah!!! Then, thanks to Skype's awesome reputation, we had to end the conversation. I cannot wait to get back to Kampung Dhoby and give Col (Dr) Paleswaran Rajah RTD, a piece of my mind! Do all of you, adults think like this? If so, YOU ALL soooooooo need a big piece of my mind.

I do not see the reason of not moving on after anything that happens badly to myself! There are so much of things that life has got to offer and the demise of my awesome Biology lecturer at a tender age of 26, due to cancer had made me appreciate my life even more! He had a great life from the way I saw it. He was a sport during every event in INTEC and I would never have guessed his profession to be that of a teacher. But he was and a brilliant one too! I miss him a lot, even though I have not seen him in a long time.

Moving on, I am excited to start my term as ISC's president because I have finally given myself a good platform to become a leader. I am currently in pursuit of developing my ethos before I get back to Malaysia for good in 2013. I was very happy with the support from my friends and my family but only God knows of their reactions when I come back home with my ideals and ideas to make a difference. I know I have my back. That is all I need.

It is raining outside. And it is raining inside too!

Content is what I feel,

Fulfilled is what I am,

At the moment,

I am raining on the inside!

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

CULTURE-SHOCKED?

Unlike the last semester, time has been flying so fast that I always seem to be surprised that its Friday again. I am experiencing a culture shock at the moment. Not with America but with myself. Suddenly, I am all pumped up to finish my homework. Suddenly, I have interest in getting good grades. Suddenly, I realized that I wanted to finish my homework so badly as compared to when I was in Intec, where I would just wait for Hema or Divwya to do it and then I would just copy. Now, I wanted to do it myself! Many questioned my decision of applying to WSU when everyone else applied to Penn State, Rutgers and RIT but I wanted to prove to people that I can live without anyone's help. To be honest, I just wanted to impress people with my decision and never thought of how I would end up here being the only girl alongside 3 other guys. My first semester in Pullman tested me a lot in ways that I have never thought of and I didn't learn any lessons from them. Now Spring, on the other hand, did worse but with good side effects.

My week goes by with a 9am, 11am, 1pm and 3pm class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and with 10am, 1pm and 4pm class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Wednesdays, however, I have a lab that goes from 7pm to 10pm. Besides that, I, now do not have internet in my apartment, so I am practically walking back home when the CUB( the place where I use the Wireless) closes at 2am. This routine has been going on for a month now and it is slowly CHANGING me! Last Thursday was the indicator. I had a take-home exam for my gender class that costs 150 points that was due on Friday, I had Genetics Quiz and Speech quiz on Friday, my written lab report (from Wednesday night) was due on Friday and to top it all off, I had my 2nd Physics Test that day. I have not started on any of those and Thursday came to me like a hurricane. I did not sleep that night and worked on my gender essay that took 12 pages. With no internet from 2am till morning, I had to manually find points from a book that we were supposed to read( i obviously didn't). Surprisingly, I managed to finish 7 out of the 8 essay questions before rushing for shower and heading to the CUB again at 7.20am. Once there, I quickly checked my points with the book's review summary on Google and completed the essay and printed a magnificent 12 page essay. I was not sleepy! (yet)

Then, I had this master plan of how the day was going to run and I FOLLOWED the way it went by dedicating the hour before each class with studying for my Physics test, finishing my lab report, reading up for my Genetics and Speech quiz and occasionally breathing if time permits. hahah!!! The weird part of all this frenzy was that I was excited! I was in the excitement of trying to complete this race by 5pm on Friday! Lord, was I happy when I finally turned in my lab in the pigeon-holed cabinets in the Physics building! PHEW!!!! A BIG PHEW PLUS A SMILE CAME ONTO MY FACE!! Then, I realized I had to go to University of Idaho for the Dance for Justice- a 9-hour dance marathon dedicated to raising money to fight human trafficking under the International Justice Mission. Thanks to Michelle and Rachel for giving me a ride there and for making me laugh so hard that I forgot about that day's fiasco! I dance and danced and watched others dance and had a good time in University of Idaho! I came back home like a zombie with no sleep for three days and knocked out on my bed till 3pm the next day( Saturday).

Hell of a week! Also, I forgot to mention that I have applied to become one of the Executives of the International Student Council and will be running for presidency. I know its a lot to handle but I will never EVER refuse a chance or opportunity that can make me a better leader. I have been leading through a lot of things in my life and out of Malaysia, I was just curious to know if I can still lead with non-Malaysians effectively. The elections is on 10th of March and hopefully all ends well. If I don't get the job, it does not mean that I am less of a leader but merely means that I am still in the process of becoming one! ISC will still see me around in their activities as you know how fast I get bored with academics! haha! I have also decreased my visits to Cjs just because I have so much of homework to finish. My arms are getting very sore in swing dancing while my knees are turning color in modern dance! ah well, everything comes with a price.

I am looking forward to this weekend because I will be in LA baby!!!!!! haaah!!!!! and the best part of that is spending time with my bestie, Carishma Menon whom I just can't wait to start my gossiping with! I have been out of the bubble for what has been happening in Malaysia because of all this drama and will get back on my political wheel, maybe in the next post! I have some weird Writing presentation and a Genetics test on Thursday with another speech on Friday before Spring Break starts. I need to get my guitar fixed so badly that I am still playing him with 5 strings ,just to get him to talk'. haha!!!! Till next week,....

Running, running and still running,

Many just look ahead,

Running, running and still running,

I smell the flower along the side and pin them on my head.

As you run and run and keep running,

Don't ever forget what's around you,

For as you run and run and keep on running,

You might lose track of the world that has given birth to you.