THICK-SKINNED!

Citations, citations and more citations!

Surya, Vijay, Mr.D, Vatsal, Ajith!

Guitar is fixed but is not that tuned.

Life still goes on!

(This is the most absurd 'poem' I have ever written...hahah)

With finals, portfolios, assignments, ISC matters, my apartment stuffs and the usual ranting, I have had one person disturb my head REAL BAD this time around. This bastard's facebook name is Rocked DAfella-look him up and you will see what I mean.

A few weeks ago, a friend tagged me in a note in conjunction to Earth's day. In that note, he told me to spam the Prime Minister's FB wall with a message to get rid of the nuclear power plan that has got many environmental NGOs back home, uneasy. So I copied and pasted that message on his wall and some of my friends supported me, which is normal. The shock I received was a message from the bloke I've mentioned above. He asked me my intentions and "why was I supporting BN and those malay idiots?" So I replied him. I questioned his judgement of his name-calling and gave him a long essay on being rational and to grow up. I wish I did not deleted this 3-day long thread of messages but I did. I WAS SO ANGRY AT THE WAY HE CONDEMNED MY PATRIOTIC VIEWS AND THE WAY THE GOVERNMENT IS RUN.

He was being very emotional and rude just like all of you people who agree to his views! He was complaining on the inequality and finally played the race card on me by asking me to change my name to Tun Fatimah because of my views. He called me a bitch, crackhead, dumbass, cheapest low life, bastardised idiot and many more that I wish I could remember. He said that I was supporting them just because I am sponsored by them. Damn! How I wished now that I have not deleted that message. But I had to because I was already facing some problems with my life here on that day and his replies were not very motivating as you can already sense. Anyways, that day..............THAT DAY..........I CREATED SOMETHING VERY POWERFUL!

I developed thick skin.

I wish I could say it in a exaggerated manner to emphasize its meaning but that IS IT!

He made me realize that there are more of his kind of people in my home right now. "Instead of ranting over inequalities and how unfair the government is, why don't you try and make a difference? Complaining will take you backwards! " I told him that but as I expected, Einstein continued his signature, useless, magic trick of calling me a bitch. What pissed me off wasn't the name-calling and the uncivilized manner of speech, but when he told me that "the country is ruined because of people like you." I lashed back at him for saying that and his magic trick continued with many 'enticingly' described variations of his signature words. I even said "nalla irre" to him when I begun to noticed or assume how sad of a life he has being a hater.

It made me think that he was right in a way. People like me who still are in high spirits of the nation's development are too few to beat the majority of the people who are like him.

I have a plan.

I did not contest for the Presidency of ISC if I wasn't in it for a motive that I believed in. Whatever decisions that I have made in my life in the past 4 years was all geared toward a blurred big picture that I knew I had in my mind since I had the ability to think.

I am preparing myself for the blurred picture that is getting clearer day by day. I have a lot to learn and a hell lot more to realize, thanks to Rocked DAfella. To those out there or the members from the "People like me" party, don't just sit there and rant all day at the imperfections of our Malaysian lives anymore but please START working on it to make a difference. Don't waste time complaining about things that we already know to be true....you are not going anywhere! Instead of crying over spilled milk, get up and go get yourself another cup but this time, make sure its not a glass cup!

I have only spoken to a few people about this incident because I didn't have enough time to spread it like butter. For all the "people like me" out there, be aware that HATERS ARE ALWAYS AROUND TO MAKE OUR DAYS MORE INTERESTING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Notes about haters:

1. Haters only hate the things that they can't get and the people they can't be.
2. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more.
   
3. If you don't like me remember it's mind over matter; I don't mind and you don't matter.
   
4. Don't hate what you can't imitate.
5. Don't hate me because I wasn't who you thought I was or who you wanted me to be. From start to finish you never knew the real me
6. Hating is the sincerest form of flattery.
7. Keep looking my way. My head is held high. You wanna bring me down? I dare you to try.
   

PEACE!

good luck for finals, folks!

Bitches in my beer!

Weekdays are flying so fast for me but my weekends are miserably moving very slow. I am not as excited as I was a few months ago about the thought of home in these last few weeks of Spring semester. Maybe I will be again when home is a few days away when May approaches. Listening to Kyle pluck his guitar while I type here with a wall dividing us, I can sense my brain enjoying his tune even though it is slowly fading away. This weekend I learned that silence is a language. The silence that comes by when nobody talks. I hear a lot when I do not talk. Kyle's tune. The plane from Spokane to Seattle. The sound of my two-year old laptop. And nothing.

I speak a lot.

To appreciate this silence, something must have changed me. I cannot see if this change is good or bad but Kyle's sudden switch to a repetitive rhythm just switched my gears in this piece that I write now. Just the sound of my laptop and nothing. I must be really bored (so now I think). I gave a speech last Wednesday to my class, persuading them to speak up. I wanted that topic just because I had done it before but little did I realize that I had to do it better this time because I was in America. I spoke of how Americans are very lucky to have the freedom of speech that we didn't. I compared their 1st Amendment of their Constitution to that of our Article 10 of the Malaysian Constitution. Despite the lack of preparation, I came through the speech with Dr. Miller's comments of "fascinating topic and a very good passion".

Funny how education works. In Malaysia, I had to study what the government had set out for all of us. Here, besides the subjects my major requires, I am finally getting the TRUE sense of learning by choosing what I want to learn. This way, I would want to do well because it is my decision. Public speaking was one of those subjects. If kids were allowed to choose what they wanted to specifically learn besides a 'small' amount of compulsory subjects, they would! And I bet they would excel in it. Problem, sometimes, arises when parents or family members are clouded by the stigma that their kids must end up as doctors, lawyers, engineers and the like. Some want me to fulfill their unfinished dreams. So does that make it OK to make my children to finish MY dreams during their lifetime? Then, when does one LIVE for themselves and the dreams that they have always wanted to achieve?

Dream big.

That is my right. If someone comes along and tells me "No, you can't do that", I would certainly get angry. Who are you to tell me what to do and what not to do? I would consider in a polite manner if you have a good ethos with the elements of the world BUT you don't! You are not a good person when you can lie to people who care about you. You make me sneer with disgust whenever you justify your STUPID acts of 'norm'.

Now, that was me being angry at someone. Someone once told me that hating people wastes one's time. As always, I am going to laugh it off because you are not worth my attention and also because I am a Malaysian that has been brought up by warriors and leaders. After writing all of this, I realized that I have drawn a smile on my face. All these are 'jujubi' matters that I have never cared about when I was in Malaysia for two decades. Now that I am alone here in my own world in America, the silence that I was talking about earlier, sometimes starts to take its stroll in my life by focusing matters that didn't seem to matter last time.

I am still Thanges.

But as I assimilate my beliefs in this 8 months of American experience, the actual reason of my independent choice of coming to WSU is getting clearer and more emphasized; that is to discover my potentials and to stand on my own feet when it comes to making decisions. Being out of the bubble, has made me see many broken ladders in Malaysia's development. The board game, 'Snakes and Ladders' gave me the impression that one could either go up with a ladder or go down with a snake. However, in these 'broken ladders', the snakes now are gliding their way up to their privileges by forming a 'bridge' between two broken ladders to allow the players to sail through but little do these players know and realize that the actual function of these snakes is to bring them down!

So, to all the players out there, get your dices rolling and knock these snakes out of the game!

p.s: Finals is in two weeks and the question is not whether I have prepared for finals or not BUT rather, IS FINALS PREPARED FOR ME? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

NALLA IRRE!