MY Home!

Seven months away from home and with all the emails that have been flooding my inbox about the nation's state has not been making me worried at all. You name it; interlok, the video of an indian-boy forced to say Keling-babi, the inequality that many adults feel and spit on, the Valentine's Day drama, the snakes in the cabinet that not only just hiss around but also bite you after serving their 'venom' on silver plates. Enough said. Just by writing those down, a wave of negativity just flushed down my throat. Another event just flashed in my head: people leaving to other nations despite having lived here for decades. They are frustrated, I understand. I am not.

Politics has lost its purpose and has gain many dirty names in the past decade. Politics has to serve the common good and not only the parties that will favor them. Someone told me that only politicians can make changes to the nation and asked me if did I know of anyone who is not a politician but has done change? And so I replied, "How about Citizen Nades?" And to that, he replied that that journalist is only exposing matters but how well do we know if actions are being processed to curb that matter. This got me thinking, thinking alot! Speaking out and up is one thing and creating a proper response from the person it was intended to is another thing and making that person to make PROPER action is another thing too!

Sometimes I wonder why can't we all act under the human race instead of this entity that divides us by our skin color and where our ancestors came from. In the end, we are all going to die and face God. Richard Bach said that to test whether your mission on Earth is finished; IF YOU'RE ALIVE, IT ISN'T! Then again, politics looks like a game to me; you gotta play dirty to win it. But the nation's development is not a game but an adventure. An adventure of experiments and love. For the betterment of a nation, many things should and could be done but there is ALWAYS a barrier to do good things in this country. SAD FACT! Whenever an election comes around, candidates go around the housing areas of their representing seat. They promise a better, advanced city. Totally BS when you ask me about this act of campaigning! THOSE WHO GO AROUND CAMPAIGNING THAT THEY ARE THIS AND THEY ARE THAT ARE LOSERS. Why is it that I have never seen you on TV for doing something good before? Don't give me this **** that TV only highlights main events! If you are 'brainy' enough to go door to door and beg for votes, why not show your worth without the intention of running for election the next month? Once you have COMMITTED yourself to community service for years without expecting petrol cards and free entrance for movie premieres, then you can say that you are ready for elections! As a soon-to-be voter, I DEMAND that you don't show your face in elections if you have not been known for the good deeds that you have done by EVERYONE in your city. I DEMAND to vote for the person who has no monetary interest in politics. The salary that you get, is the one that you SHALL go home with, NOTHING MORE!

I want politicians to know that everyone votes' counts especially MINE because I have great interest in the development of Malaysia. Not because I think we can do it, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I WAS BORN HERE. THIS IS WHERE I BELONG. So don't go running along your pathetic bank account, asking me to go back to India or Sri Lanka BECAUSE I AM GOING NOWHERE when you are around spending my parents' money on your kids' Ben10 watches and HSM bags along with your wife's Prada and Gucci. HELL No! Thank God also that the 'papa' is out of his seat after sitting on that torn chair for the past three decades! ALL HAIL CHANGE! Never mind his contributions but I think the young guns ought to take over now. We are much more practical and united as compared to you bunch who have 1Malaysia only in your mouths. We had it even before you said it but the most important thing is we had it in our hearts that was filled with friendship and love. You bunch on the other hand, had it in your heads filled with money and position. Why!!!! Doesn't the saying 'With great power, comes great responsibility', mean ANYTHING TO YOU??

Are you even listening to us, youths? With all those emails, I have never once succumbed to its persuasion but just DELETED it whenever I sense the propaganda of a stupid few trying to spread the flu around! Too bad my belief for this country is like a cancer-spreadable and CANNOT be 'cured' with those stupid emails! If you try to further divide us with your hate notes and petitions, try harder because it AIN'T working, brotha! Many adults say that there can never be a group of friends that they had had during their time-undivided and united. Let me clarify that we DO have that in us! It's just that we are SICK and TIRED of you oldies playing the race card every time anything happens! Gosh..do you ever listen to yourselves? But then again i forgot that your cotton buds are made out of money..so I can't 'blame' you then! DO YOUR JOB FOR WHAT ITS WORTH!

I believe that we will prosper but I don't want villains in my country, especially the ones that are contributing to corruption, waste of public funds and abuse of power! Call me delusional or whatever you wanna call me because I don't give a damn. I will fight! I will! Watch out, 'uncles' and 'aunties' in the cabinet because Thanges will come!

I can't stand to fly

I'm not that naive

I'm just out to find

The better part of me

I'm more than bird

More than a plane

More than some pretty face beside a train

Its not easy

To be me.

(Superman, Five for Fighting)

BLUE

Funny how fast my thoughts change its focus.

Last Friday, the International Student Council organized a speed dating event called iConnection in conjunction with Valentine's Day. Yours truly was a volunteer in helping out with decorations and also performed Aaja Nachle to start off the event alongside the Hawaiian dance, Phillipino dance, Vietnamese dance and break dance. What I didn't mention in my earlier post was that I also signed up for the speed dating event. Not to find my Valentine but to meet people and feed my curiosity on how these things work. The dance went surprisingly well since we only practiced for three days. The speed dating started after all the performances, so I quickly got back to the seat that I was assigned too, along with all the other beautiful ladies on my side while the handsome men sat on the opposite side facing us. The game plan was that every guy would date one girl for 2-3minutes (with our emcees who were our time-keepers) and then move to the next seat once time was up. The ladies just had to sit there( Thank God..=p) We were all given this card that had rows of 'blank', 'yes' and a 'no' for which we had to fill the blank with our dates' number and circled yes or no if we would want to exchange information with that person to continue the relationship. With that info, the committee members would then match up the yes(s) and no(s) and email us the results.

10 minutes go by and I realized how fun it was for both me and my dates whom I had a good chat with. Then, the BIG moment came! After 10 minutes, I started to not only focus on my date but kept looking a the far end of the table to check whom am I going to date next. Guess who was on the next seat to my date? FERNANDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it! Only last week I remember not focusing in class due to his appearance and personality AND now here am I seconds away from dating my Genetics TA that I had been swooning about! HAHAHAHAH! Fernando and I dated for 3 minutes and I was constantly emphasizing the moment of how weird it was that I am dating my TA. And to that he replied, "Well, I am an International student and I am single. I am your TA but I am also a person, okay..." I was awe-struck with his casual approach and started to think how was my next class with him is going to turn out: AWKWARD! We spoke about my major and how he ended up being in the US, being a Costa Rican and it ended very pleasantly! That topped everything!!!!!! You might ask if I did find anyone worthy..but let me cut you short and say that I didn't have any intentions of getting a date there and that it was just for the mere experience of it. The event ended early and I helped clean up and got a ride back home before I called up a sleepy Hema and woke her up with this piece of news!

I got up at 12.30pm on Saturday and realized I was late for something and quickly took a shower and rushed to the Smith Gym where I watched something that I am not going to say at the moment. The time will come when I am ready. So just wait! hehe! Anyways, the weekend went by with lots of facebooking, movies and skype sessions with friends and family. Then another BANG came. My finances has been taking the wrong route for the past two months thanks to Subway and Starbucks! Gotta cut down on that, I must! My informative speech is scheduled this Friday and I am in mixed feelings to enlighten my class about Thaipusam. Hopefully all goes on well! My you tube channel has also smiled back at me with 300+ views within a week and I have recently subscribed to MalaysiaKini which has gotten me pumped up about police brutality in Malaysia. If you asked my dad what I wanted to be when I was in Standard 3, he would say a policewoman. He said that because he thought I watched Gerak Khas too much that time.

Yes, Gerak Khas was the catalyst and no, nothing is real in the entertainment industry's plot when it comes to local soap operas. But since small, we have all believed that when a police station is near home, we all can sleep with smiles. Not anymore. I have been watching so many protests over youtube on Malaysians carrying banners that shout "Polis penjenayah berlesen" or "The police are criminals with a licence". What happened to justice? What happened to "police will take care of us?" I am scared! What if one fine day, the police arrests me for shoplifting and then my family have to find me four days later with bruises all over my body and also maybe even raped? I am not embarrassed to admit the truth that might happen to me. I might be too weak to kick him in his 'kingdom' to defend myself. Too weak, yes! But with all this voice in me, I know I can scream-scream the truth out.

With great power, comes great responsibility! "Police uncle, please lah, I want to balik to a safe home in 3 years time." I wanted to be policewoman. Do you know why? Because I love the feeling that Abby Abbadi and AC Mizal had when the ended each episode with pride and assurance that they can be the armor to ALL the crimes in the world! The feeling of pride of wearing that blue uniform to serve the common good! Do you know why uniforms are all in same color and pattern? Its ONLY because everyone who wears that uniform serve only one purpose and one purpose only and that is to achieve one common goal: To have a nation, that my dear Standard 3 siblings can write down in their brown exercise books with clear hearts: "Malaysia merupakan sebuah negara yang AMAN DAN DAMAI"

Can you do that for me, Mr. Police? A small request from your humble citizen, asking you to do your job right. Please! Tolong encik, hentikan semua ini. Jangan kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. Oh wait, isn't nila, blue in color? How amusing that the resemblance in color of the 'nila' and the police uniform color were not obvious to me before? Did our ancestors foresee this issue? God only knows. Anyhow, BEAR IN MIND, many police still do behave like Abby and AC. Its just that, we, the young ones, are afraid that the 'some' of you might be lurking around in our hometowns.

Blue was my favorite color

Till you hit my brother

Blue was my favorite color

Till you touched my sister

Blue, I hope, will be my favorite color again,

Because I still do have faith in you,

As Blue rhymes with True,

I will never go away from you.

PEACE!

WeirdOMg!

Another week flew by with many weird incidents. In my Genetics tutorial class, I came across a strange thing. I couldn't focus AT ALL! Its not the difficulty level of the subject because that doesn't concern me at all but it was my TA, Fernando. He was giving out last week's quiz that I miraculously got 9.5/10 and he was also trying to remember our names. Well, let me clarify this fact that since I came to the US, no one could pronounce my name right. BUT FERNANDO DID on that day! I was shocked to hear my name after 6 months of being mispronounced! Did I also mention how handsome he was that day? Well, now you know! I have NEVER lost focus in class just because a guy seems to stand out with his good looks but that Friday........whoooooosh..i was swept away! Typical movie scene, you might say. Did also mention that he has a Spanish accent? I find myself staring at him whenever he says operon and cis-regulation and many more! HAAHAHHAHAHAHA!

I have Genetics and Physics test coming up this week and have not touched any notes thanks to my addiction to the Kollywood movie scene! Mygosh...when will I ever learn?? I also will be dancing to Aaja Nachle this Friday for Iconnections-a speed-dating event organized by the International Student Council. As for my informative speech, I will be enlightening my class about Thaipusam. Zarathustra has made me hate him today because of all the explicating that I need to do on his sermons for my Writing class! Nevertheless, I am still lazing around! GRRRR!

I did a video for my mum's birthday and got awesome responses by a lot of people. Even Nave279-my drive for all these tamil-english mash-ups-commented on my video!!! OMG!!!!! My mum cried watching it and so did my aunt. Well, lets just skip the emo parts and move on to how that video thought me something. You see, I recorded that video right before the CNY gathering by Malaysians in WSU. Then I was asked to bring my guitar to the gathering since I live only 30 sec away from the gathering location. Well, I did all the strumming and singing and awed some while other couldn't care less and guess what I realized when I returned? One of my string's knob was damaged! I knew I left it at the side somewhere while grabbing some desert. How did I know if the kids were meddling with it? I was frustrated but cooled off ten minutes later feeling grateful that I managed to record the video anyhow!

Well, when something you really love gives back love to you, it is the most awesome feeling in the whole wide world. But to ask for love when that person's heart is punctured by someone else is really a spot that you will never want to be in. So, I rather be grateful that I have received the love before and will try to fix the heart so that it can now love others as well. Confused? Me too! But its just a guitar, you might say! Its never just a guitar to Thanges-NEVER! That is why it is painful and sad that I now have to fix him. Not because I can't but because time is freaking jealous of me! I dearly hope my Red one back home is doing fine too!

Another weird incident: I never knew Telugu movies are good! Thanks to Hema for the suggestion of Magadherra! awesome screenplay and graphics! superb plot and cinematography! What a love story! I have just finished watching it and now I am wondering if Fernando would be my Bhairava.......hahahahahah!!!! Hema is going to crack is she sees this line! Anyways, it was a not-so-productive week with me postponing and procrastinating my work! Hopefully, the coming weeks will do me some justice!

Beauty is only skin deep,

Beauty lies in the eyes,

Of the beholder who cannot focus

Or even name the price

Price of what, You ask..

Wondering what I might say

Price of justice and love,You fool!

For it will never ever decay........

My DEN

What a week! It is now official that my most busiest days in the week are Thursdays and Fridays! Bummer!! Anyways, once I am done handing in my lab report at 5pm on Friday, I finally feel okay to breathe. I have already organized my Spring Break vacation! I am going to LA, California, baby!!!!!! The best part is I am bringing my boyfriend with me and that he is going to listen to my best friend, Carishma's stunning voice! I am really looking forward to play and sing along her piano that we have been doing when we were in Malaysia and now, over Skype!

My second informative speech is coming up and I am wondering what to talk about.. As for 'the best thing in life' essay, I finally sent in my 1st draft. "the best thing in life is to have a voice," I wrote. The three handsome classmates of mine gave good reviews on it saying that it was an excellent piece! Paper 2 is coming up as well and I have not started that. Well, I just came to realize that I love music. Jokes aside. "Who doesn't?" you might say but for the past week, I have been walking, studying, blogging with more fire and ice when I am listening to music.

Valentine's Day is two weeks away and I wonder if I will have a Valentine this year. However, I know I will have a constant Valentine every year, by the name, Usha Kethurajah. She is turning 50 this 6th February and it hurts to not be by her side shouting and screaming at her at the top of my voice by not doing the house chores. I love you, ma! Thank you for being my mum for the past two decade of your 5-decade life and continuing!

I might be dancing again! Hindi songs obviously!!! Suddenly I am missing Varnisha, my cousin whom I prefer to go as 'my other half'. She is now giving me suggestions on what to do with my hair. How astonishing is that this 15 year old lady can make me feel so happy despite just listening to her bubbly voice over the phone, 5 minutes ago. I miss you, Var! I hope you have a good break!

The internet connection in my apartment has turned its back on me. I have been staying up in uni and going back home just to sleep. I have decided to continue doing this because I can reduce my electricity usage this way! Spending my time alone in this place that I call 'my den', I feel that I have finally started doing what I came to the USA for! I have been reaching out to myself a lot! I have been finding myself....searching..and searching.....I have not found anything yet but I am liking this research alot! I know I am on a road to somewhere but as always, its the climb that have always mattered to me and not the destination. Along this road, I have met so many new things, new emotions, new humans and a new God-one that now I know hears out to me!

I close my eyes and picture home,

I close my eyes and picture my boyfriend,

I close my eyes and picture my family and friends,

I close my eyes and picture God,

I close my eyes and picture dancing,

And then I realize that I can even picture all of these with my eyes open

Because it is not a dream.

for real????

Nowadays, I think I look forward to the weekends just because of this space here. Its a good thing I believe since this semester has gotten me running on the empty aisle in Walmart in fear of time. This semester I wished a day had 25 hours instead. This week Spring showed me the actual routine that I will be going through for the next 4 months. Its good that I am loving this moments of trying to find a time to breathe because I tend to forget that I have got to, sometimes.

I have signed up more community service programs now and I feel that I will learn more in this semester. The internet at my apartment has been screwing up for the past week and I am now in the campus lounge, watching people pass by while listening to youtube. I left my apartment at 2pm and the weather was wonderful; sunny and breezy! It reminded me of the Saturday evenings in Malaysia when appa will try to force the family to jog with him in the park. I love playing my RM93.90 red guitar under my mango tree while swaying in the metallic swing where Bozo occasionally comes and sits under to listen to me, I hope! Well, my guitar has been helping me a lot this week despite it being out of tune. Music is indeed frozen architecture!

Another thing that I have been falling in and out of ......is love. Love for books, nature, food, friends, family, and certain other 'matters of life'. By looking at the creators of this scribe, I wonder how a relationship is even possible. The song 'Just the way you are' is the reason of this dilemma, thanks to youtube .I am now wondering; can anyone be amazing just the way they are? What happened to people loving their partner in hope of the latter changing in the future? Ah well, its not a national issue that I am going to waste my time even considering to answer that question. I just had a sudden thought.

As this journey bounces off the hills,

make sure you know the meaning of perfection

because once you tend to mix it up with others' definition of it,

UR DEAD!

Mirror-ed

Do you know that breeze that comes when you walk along PD beach? That cold, nice string of wind that brushes off your hair that was covering your face under the hot, glistening Sun? Well, I know it too well that when the icy,cold wind of Pullman attacked me, I had a quick thought of PD beach! I miss the beach too much now. It always listened to me, listening to her. It always gave me back appropriate answers when I suddenly asked them out of the blue. She answers back with waves that often cool off my burning feet.

First week of school went fairly well with more reasons to smile. I received wonderful comments from Dr. Gail Miller after my first speech in Public Speaking class. I started speaking out in my Writing class. I also had an paper to hand in at the end of my semester in that class, by the title ' The best things in life'. I am pretty excited on that one. Physics, again, had me intrigued with its magnificent electromagnetism. What's more, my Genetics class had me use the iclicker for the first time, despite getting 4 out of 5 questions wrong. My first assignment in my Women Studies class had me writing the reasons I was there in WSU. And my dance classes, was the usual-awesome.

I have also been cooking and experimenting with food items. Fish sambal and potato varuval was what I ended up on one day. Divwya was on the phone telling me what to do to complete the potato gallore that took my tongue by surprise when I was at her place during winter break. We sounded like housewives over the phone. The conversation would be complete if we both started gossiping about tamil TV serials!!! What a laugh, we both had!

Its Martin Luther King Day today and I volunteered for a community service project under the Centre for Civic Engagement (CCE) as part of my Public Speaking class. We sorted out food items for 3 hours into their respective categories like pasta, potatoes, vegetables, tuna and the lot! There were so much of food out there and some were kind enough to donate it to the Pullman food bank. However, there were some idiots who gave expired products, USED PRODUCTS and the like. A friend of mine came across a few peanut-butter jars that had finger strokes in them. EWWW!!! Once we were done sorting, we had a reflection session and I felt that it told me what I actually felt throughout that 3 hours.

I might be heading back home this summer. A thought that I never had before. Now, everything seems brighter with the thought of home-MALAYSIA! Everything taste a lot more sweeter just because it was not an expected decision. Well, life is full of surprises when you don't expect anything at all. The thought of stepping foot in my land made me smile even more. I am not missing my family just because they are always in touch! But getting caught up in this rat race of my education, I tend to loose the grip from home. Not because I think its better here but its because I keep my self occupied so that I wouldn't miss Malaysia as much!

There are 2 holes in myself at the moment; one in my pocket,thanks to an awesome winter break and another in my brain as I feel like I am losing focus due to this sudden piece of decision. Anyways, as I always end up saying, I will live my live for the moment that is passing now and not for the ones that are coming because they might end up getting stuck in the traffic signals of my life. It is a good thing to look forward too but matters of the current are better of handled first since I have a degree in the Bachelor of Digression and Procrastination for the past 20 years.

This week has certainly made me reflect on a lot of things!

When the mirror is turned to me,

What do I see?

A lady made of courage and wisdom,

Who is staring back at me.

I will aspire to be,

That lady in that mirror,

For if the mirror cracks,

She will still be there,

Because I got her back!

the tenth day of the 1st month!

I just read my last post and realized how many grammatical and spelling errors that 'beautified' my 'essay'. Clearly, I have so much to work on this semester!!!!

I just finished my 1st day of Spring semester and I already feel left behind!

9.10: Women Studies Class ( already had our 1st assignment and a hell load of reading material)

11.10: Modern dance ( had to get more sweat pants as my instructor said jeans is a no-no)

13.10: Public Speaking ( I HAVE TO GIVE A SPEECH ON A CLASSMATE IN THE FOLLOWING CLASS (worth 10points))

15.10: Physics ( couldn't understand my lecturer's speech as she was from the middle-eastern region)

The main question I would like to ask myself is: Why is this all bothering me????

no!!!! more like: Why shouldn't it bother me???

1.I have read a lot before and do love reading!

2.Dance is another way of breathing to me.

3.Speeches are some of the things my peers say that I am natural at due to my sudden wisdom on matters.

4. I love Physics!

After much thought, maybe this 5 months away from Malaysia, particularly, INTEC, has made me complacent with my solidarity here in Pullman! I needed to get back to the loud person that INTEC had made me! I need to get back to the awesome multi-tasker that my family was proud about!

Tomorrow,

10am plus: Genetics( my 1st bio subject that i yearn to score in)

1pm plus: Introductory Writing (Finally, something for beginners!)

3.10: ADVANCED SOCIAL DANCE, BABY!!!!!!!! ( what a way to end the day|||| n btw, i didn't sign up for this class..and my instructor says that it is fine with him)

Despite just finishing my speech outline, I still feel out of place, not knowing whether to dress formally or not!!! ah...to the hell with that!

its -13 celsius outside and forecast says its gonna get worse tonight! Hold on tight people!!!!!!!!!!! The blizzard is back AND SO IS THANGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!