this is real, this is me!

Regrets! I hate regretting my decisions, especially if I thought that this was one of the decisions where I have finally proved that i had guts!

Now here I am, treating the wound of the boomerang that has been hitting me since the 28th of November!!! Why a boomerang??!!! Ah well, if it isn't dear Ms. Thanges complaining again!

I wish i hadn't confessed! It was a relief when i did but now that the distance we had when you were leaving was so far, I have now come to believe what a stupid mistake i have made.

Why was it a mistake?

1. Because i was merely keeping up with the Joneses

2. Because it thought i,too, had something going on in my heart.

3. Because i saw no one else that i thought was serious enough\

4. Because i thought that i loved him. ( i cant believe i just wrote that)

5. Because i wanted to be different.

6. Because I WAS NOT MYSELF(clearly!!)

7. Because it is one mistake that i cannot mend.

So, what happens now??

I am going to be me! No more lies, no more cover ups, no more trying-to-be -someone-i'm-not. I AM NOT GOING TO CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME! I AM GOING TO HAVE FUN WITH MY FAMILY AND MY TRUE FRIENDS!!!!!

wooooooohooooooo!!! now that felt good!!

before i leave,:::

lame is what i used to be,

now i shall not become,

game is what i intend to see,

now i am gonna play, so here i come!!!!!

broken roads, pot holes, dangerous corners,
are all the hurdles one has to encounter when they are at the roads.
so, is life...
with it's dissatisfactions, failures and problems..

i am not yet wise,
but i dare say that the better part of my college life has been full of opportunities in disguise

most people tend to spell their problem as P.R.O.B.L.E.M but I spell problems as O.P.P.O.R.T.U.N.I.T.Y!!!

i know i am not yet wise,
but yet i can see how pathetic most people are when it comes to their problems..
why do they AVOID it??

i know i am not yet wise
but why cant they just FACE their bloody problem, rather than complaining it to people that happen to be passing their way!!

i know i am not yet wise,
yet i still have the guts to question these matters
although i do face the same terror in facing ur own problems

the worst part is when i knows my fears and flaws clearly and enticingly well
but fails to work on it!!

then, it came to a point where i saw myself as a hypocrite!
then, i realized the consequences of taking no actions to my problem
then, i realized what i had been missing out on for all this time...
then, i realized that I HAD TO DO SOMETHING!!

the first thing was to change my perception towards my problems and that is why i spelt problems differently.

but that did not fix it yet...
i had lots to do....

i had to smile and regenerate my spirit when i looked at my failures which are like my bread and butter at most times.

i had to find the energy to restrain from all possible distractions that can reassign my track
i had to regain the composure i once had when i reacted to major problems
i had to disregard the opinions of others
so that i am myself
so that i have my own identity
so that i wont be stereotyped
so that i can live by own rules and conditions!!!

yet i tried again and again..
my results still let me down...

WILL
So simple this 4-letter word may sound
but the strength in this word is certainly undeniable

when there's a will. there's a way..

SO TRUE...

therefore, before i started doing anything, i asked myself: ARE YOU UP 4 IT???

and of course, it answered with the right voice that is YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
since then, when a problem came up, i always got excited for the fact that, i am going to improve and reinforce my faiths and skills by FACING MY FEARS!!!!!!!

Why do most people assume women are incapable? I am not saying that every Tom, Dick and Harry are like this but there are people who practice this habit, I daresay. Even in English, this gender issue is applicable. For example, like I've mentioned, the phrase 'Tom, Dick and Harry' are clearly all names of men. Why can't it be 'Sally, Molly and Mary' instead? Or if it sounds a bit too feminine; how about Tom, Sally and Harry?



Let's move on to more serious matters-politics. In certain countries, the amount of women involved in politics are rather minimal. This is not because women are not interested or afraid but this problem is, indeed, due to the fact that there is a certain quota for women involvement in politics. Isn't that pathetic?! According to my 'insignificant' common sense, this is clearly unfair! If one is collectively chosen by the nation, then he or she has every right to be the leader. But, to my despair, this ain't the norm, looking at the way politics is being coordinated.



One might even 'enticingly' describe the flaws of women when argued on this matter. Among their arguments are:

# women are not strong enough

# women are emotional

# women are incapable of protecting themselves without the presence of a male

# women have mood swings(PMS) and so their decision-making abilities will deteriorate during

this time

# women are easily influenced

# AND THE LIST GOES ON...



Well, let me present to you my arguments on this matter. Firstly, strength does not determine the effectiveness of a leader but what matters is the mental strength. Women have a surpassing strong mind, I should say. Most people will certainly rebuke my stand and I will tell you why. The society normally assumes on a certain issue based on what they have heard, what they have seen or what they have known. Notice that i have used the past tense to describe these verbs. What I am trying to deduce is that the society looks at women based on what they have known in the past. I would surely not refute the opinion that women in the past are somewhat weak and are not leader-material. But now....that is an understatement!!!! Today's women are not like the ones in the past as they have broken out of the pot that was holding them in. Today, women are not referred to as women anymore but they are referred to as SUPERWOMEN!!!



The second argument, is that, women are emotional. Who in this world is not emotional???? This is clearly a misconception! Both men and women are emotional but women are more expressive about their feelings when compared to that of men. Men are not seen as emotional beings because they normally love to bottle up their emotions than sharing them. Then, there's the opinion about women being helpless without the presence of a male. How absurd!! Today's women are quite skilled when it comes to protecting themselves from danger. Martial arts, pepper spray-you name it and they have it!! Besides that, there is the PMS. This is another misconception that men have. PMS was never and will never be an obstacle for women. PMS is just like a headache to women. Piece of cake! And the argument about women are easily influenced is clearly a 'sweeping statement'! Women nowadays, are rather alert about their lives. They try their level best to go over a certain matter numerous times before deciding on its validity.



All in all, I believe if a woman were to be a nation's leader, the nation would prosper harmoniously. I have a very simple example that will trigger our minds on the thought that women can also prevent war. In your home, if you and your siblings were quarelling over something, your mother will be the best person to settle the fight; am I right?
This is the reality that occurs in 90% of the homes in Malaysia. However, I shall not blanket the fact that men have done surpassingly well to develop our country, Malaysia, but don't we, the women, need a chance and opportunity to shine to?